How to Act Like a Hipster: 10 Classic Behaviors Ranked

You’ve seen them: the folks nursing a single-origin pour-over at 11 a.m., dropping French phrases between sips, and somehow always looking like they just stepped out of an indie film. But what actually makes someone ‘hipster’—or at least convincing enough to pass as one? We dissected the classic tropes to bring you the definitive ranking of behaviors that scream ‘I’m cultured (but only on purpose)’.

The top act? Suffering from a coffee-fueled, late-night-induced stomachache while waxing poetic about loneliness under the moonlight. Yes, really. Below, we break down the 10 key moves that define the pose—from tennis to tobacco, and from insomnia to iced espressos.

10. Tennis, Bowling, and Golf: The Sport of Aesthetes

To qualify as a poseur with taste, your athletic pursuits must be both expensive and ostensibly refined. Tennis is a must—you should hit the court often enough that playing time outweighs ball-chasing. Bonus points if you can consistently bowl over 180, netting keychains for friends. Golf? Master a few stances, ideally without taking out bystanders or throwing out your back on the range. These activities aren’t about fitness; they’re about having something expensive and vaguely classy to talk about at the office.

9. Taxis Over Transit: The Commute of Choice

Real hipsters don’t do buses—or motorcycles (too windy for perfect hair). If you can’t afford a car, taxis are your default. Never mind the dent in your paycheck; the ability to refuse public transport is a non-negotiable part of the aesthetic. Whether it’s raining or rush hour, flagging a cab is the move, because convenience and cost are secondary to image.

8. Foreign Names and Words: The Linguistic Flourish

Calling yourself ‘Bruce Chen’ or ‘Moonshadow Li’ adds instant intrigue. Sprinkle foreign words into everyday conversation—whether it’s French, Spanish, or Japanese—regardless of context. Think: ordering baijiu with an emphatic, “Oh no, I’ll have an iced one, and a glass, please. You know, I don’t drink from the bottle.” The goal isn’t clarity; it’s creating distance from the ‘common folk.’

7. Starvation Over Street Food: The Dining Dilemma

Eating at a night market? That’s a disqualifier. With just $20 in your pocket, you’ll either go hungry or sip a Starbucks coffee—never a McDonald’s meal. Chains like McDonald’s are off-limits; instead, frequent upscale spots like Starbucks, Saturday, Riday, Maxim’s, Shangri-La, or Häagen-Dazs. Homey dishes like congee or stir-fried snail? Not on the menu anymore.

6. Coffee and Cigarettes: The Refined Vice

If your coffee comes from a can, you’d better know its origin, roast, and flavor profile—or you’re instantly exposed. Better yet, stick to fresh-ground. Smoking? Opt for a pipe or cigar; if you must smoke cigarettes, at least avoid spitting or flicking ashes everywhere. The truly dedicated only light up at night: waiting for a bus, staring at a laptop, or pining for a lost love. Because ambiance matters.

5. Night Owls, Morning Stragglers: The Sleep Schedule

Early to bed? Not in this crowd. Most poseurs hit the hay between 2 and 3 a.m.—not because they’re tired, but because they’re busy attending gallery openings, watching indie films, or hosting listening parties. Bonus points if you document your late-night existential crisis online for your followers to admire. Staying up late isn’t a habit; it’s a performance.

4. Arthouse Films and Obscure Tunes: The Cultural Divide

Forget blockbuster movies or chart-topping playlists. True hipsters seek out films so avant-garde even the directors claim not to understand them. Pop music is strictly off-limits; your record collection should feature obscure artists and genres that confuse your friends. At home, your bookshelf holds titles no one can pronounce, much less read. The more inaccessible your media, the more ‘in the know’ you appear.

3. Love and Breakups: The Relationship Rollercoaster

Traditional relationships are boring. Prefer edgy pairings: teacher-student, May-December, or same-sex romances. Marriage? If you’re not divorced within three months, something’s wrong. Hipsters follow their ‘feelings’—when the spark fades, so does the relationship. And forget ugly custody battles; drama-free splits are the only acceptable way to end things.

2. Stomachaches and Glory: The Price of Cool

Irregular meals, late nights, and constant caffeine intake take a toll. Most hipsters suffer from chronic stomach issues, proudly carrying around a stash of antacids. Going to the doctor? Unthinkable. A healthy gut is a red flag; if you’re not nursing a minor ailment, you’re not fully committed to the bit. Pain, apparently, is part of the charm.

1. Blue Melancholy: The Essence of Hipsterdom

At the core of the hipster persona is a deep, abiding sense of melancholy. If you’re the type who sleeps soundly, laughs at patriotic songs, and enjoys a full meal, you’re simply not cut out for this life. Hipsters brood—over lost loves, the moon, or the color of their cocktail. They find existential dread in everyday moments, turning a simple evening into a poem about loneliness and jazz. After all, what’s the point of being cool if you’re not a little sad?

Frequently Asked Questions

What’s the most essential behavior to fake hipster status?

The top-ranked behavior is cultivating a coffee-fueled stomachache while romanticizing loneliness under the moonlight. It encapsulates the core hipster traits: indulgence, melancholy, and a touch of drama.

Why is drinking fresh-ground coffee a hipster must?

Hipsters insist on fresh-ground, specialty coffee. If drinking from a can, you must know the origin, roast, and flavor notes—otherwise, you’re exposed as inauthentic. Premium preparation shows you ‘care’ about quality and subtlety.

Do hipsters really avoid mainstream movies and music?

Yes. Arthouse films that confuse even directors, and obscure music that defies genre, are required. Mainstream pop culture is considered too common and is strictly avoided to maintain an air of exclusivity.

Is staying up late a key part of the hipster persona?

Absolutely. Most poseurs sleep between 2–3 a.m., engaging in activities like gallery hops or late-night film viewings. Being awake when others sleep signals a dedication to culture—or at least the appearance of it.

Why is having a foreign name or sprinkling in foreign words important?

It’s about creating distance from the everyday. Calling yourself something exotic or casually dropping non-English words signals sophistication, even if the usage makes no sense. It’s performative, not practical.

What’s the connection between hipsters and stomachaches?

Irregular eating, late nights, and constant coffee or cigarette consumption lead to chronic stomach issues. Carrying antacids and avoiding doctors is seen as part of the ‘cool’ lifestyle, proving you live hard and feel deeply.

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