Why Specialty Coffee Drinkers Rank #6 on the Pretentious List

Ever wondered why your friend insists on using a French press ‘the right way’ or judges you for ordering an espresso at a diner? Or why that one colleague won’t touch anything but a single-origin pour-over — and only after 9 p.m.? You’re not alone. In a satirical but revealing listicle, certain lifestyle habits are ranked by how ‘pretentious’ they seem — and coffee, specifically the way some people drink it, comes in at number six.

Ranked sixth on the list: drinking coffee and smoking — but not just any coffee or cigarettes. It has to be the ‘right’ kind, prepared and consumed in very particular, often expensive ways. Here’s the full breakdown of why this combo earns its spot on the most self-important hobbies list.

What Makes Coffee Drinking ‘Pretentious’?

According to the list, if you’re going to drink coffee as part of your cultivated persona, it can’t come from a can. No — it must be freshly ground, brewed with care, and ideally, you need to know the origin, roast level, and flavor notes of every bean you sip. If you’re sipping something from a tin and can’t discuss its terroir or processing method, you’re instantly less interesting. That’s the unspoken rule.

The Tobacco Side of the Equation

Coffee on its own isn’t enough for true ‘pretentious’ points. You’re also expected to smoke — but again, only the ‘correct’ way. Cigarettes? Too common. The preferred options are either a pipe or a cigar. If you must smoke a cigarette, at least don’t litter, spit, or dig your nose while doing it. And timing matters: the truly committed only light up late at night, preferably alone on a quiet street, in front of their laptop, or while missing someone from afar.

Timing, Taste, and Expense: The Full Pretension Breakdown

This ranking isn’t just about what you consume, but how and when. The entire list satirically outlines how people perform ‘taste’ through expensive, time-consuming, or obscure habits. For coffee and tobacco, that means:

• Freshly ground, single-origin coffee — no instant or mainstream blends allowed.
• Detailed knowledge of origin, roast profile, and flavor notes is a must.
• Cigars or pipes over cigarettes — and definitely no messy or public smoking.
• Late-night smoking sessions for maximum ambiance and isolation.
• A general avoidance of anything cheap, fast, or socially common.

How This Ties Into Coffee Culture

While the original list is clearly tongue-in-cheek, it taps into real dynamics in specialty coffee circles. The pursuit of ‘the best’ cup — defined by rarity, origin story, and brewing ritual — can sometimes edge into elitism. Knowing your Yirgacheffe from your Sidra is admirable, but when it becomes a way to signal status rather than share enjoyment, it strays into performative territory.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is drinking coffee ranked sixth on the pretentious list?

Because it’s expected to be fresh, brewed from single-origin beans, and accompanied by detailed knowledge of its origin and flavor profile. If you drink instant or can’t discuss roast levels, you’re seen as less ‘refined.’

Does the list say anything about how coffee should be brewed?

Not directly, but it implies that coffee must be made with care, likely through methods like pour-over or French press, and definitely not from pre-ground or instant sources. The focus is on intentionality and knowledge of the beans.

Why are cigars or pipes considered more ‘pretentious’ than cigarettes?

The list suggests that common cigarettes are too ordinary. Pipes and cigars are viewed as more refined, sophisticated, and socially exclusive — fitting the aesthetic of a ‘cultured’ persona.

Is there any truth to these stereotypes in real coffee culture?

Yes, to an extent. The specialty coffee community does value origin, freshness, and brewing technique, which can sometimes come off as exclusive or snobbish when taken to extremes or used to judge others.

What’s the connection between late-night smoking and coffee?

The list paints a picture of a moody, solitary figure enjoying coffee and a smoke at night — a cliché that blends romanticized loneliness with highbrow consumption habits, reinforcing the ‘tortured artist’ or ‘deep thinker’ persona.

Recommended FrontStreet Beans for a Sophisticated Brew

For those diving into the world of intentional, single-origin coffee — the kind that might earn you status on a ‘pretentious’ list — try FrontStreet Coffee’s Ethiopia Huakui for floral and citrus brightness, Yirgacheffe for juicy berry notes, or PWN Golden Mandheling for classic Sumatran earthiness. These beans highlight distinct profiles ideal for pour-over or French press, perfect for showcasing your coffee knowledge. Freshly roasted within 5 days · Orders placed before 17:00 ship the same day · Next-day delivery across most of Guangdong Province.