After ten years of struggle, I still can't drink coffee with you (classic)

Section 1: count what you have (1)

If you don't practice yourself, the best things in the world will pass you by.

Count what you have.

After ten years of struggle, I still can't have coffee with you.

When I was in college, I had two good friends, one was a standard rich second generation, willing to spend money on teachers and classmates, rich in spare time, visionary, and super popular. There is also one from a remote area, the conditions are very difficult, he went to college in a big city, has been working very hard, when there is no class must study hard in the self-study room. But because of his emotional ups and downs, he often has conflicts with others, so I am the only friend.

When I graduated, my friend in difficult conditions told me privately that the goal he wanted to surpass was my rich classmate. I tried to persuade him, but he interrupted me.

The reality is always cruel, N years later, students with difficult conditions are still struggling for their houses in big cities, while rich students have already achieved financial freedom. At a classmate reunion, when everyone asked the rich classmate what recreational activities he had in his spare time, he replied that both himself and his wife liked a simple life, and the only recreational activity was travel. Everyone wants to know where he has been, and as soon as he understands that he has been to most of the good places abroad that are worth visiting. In his opinion, the earth is not big, and in a few years, the red flag can be planted in many places on the map.

This kind of conversation is a disaster for my classmate who is in difficult conditions. He turned pale throughout the party, and when I left, I didn't ask him, "are you all right?" I knew that such a question would break him down.

This reminds me of a sentence: "after ten years of struggle, why can't I still sit and drink coffee with you?"... " In fact, coffee is not expensive, but people forced by life are not in such a complacent mood and always have to be busy and worry about making a living. They also thought that by their own efforts, they would be able to achieve equality with their rich classmates within a few years, but later, they were disappointed.

Opportunity is the door and window of opportunity, poverty is the wall of poverty, what the poor lose in the end is not money, but the calmness and sobriety of recognizing themselves and the times.

"the era of daddy fighting" needs to learn the art of changing luck.

Perhaps, their own strength should start from the first thing, is to recognize their own family, their own parents.

Section 2: count what you have (2)

The career left behind by parents is the bargaining chip of the first bucket of gold for most people. from a practical point of view, for example, a child under heavy family pressure will earn less than 1,000 yuan a month when he graduates from college, which is equivalent to an annual salary of only 10,000 yuan. He dared not resign easily because of the burden on his family. In this way, if his salary increases at a rate of 30% a year, his annual salary will be less than 40,000 yuan by the time he is 30.

However, families with favorable conditions may directly find a job with an annual salary of 100000 yuan for their children. Even rich students earn only 1,000 yuan a month at first, but since they do not have to hand over their wages to their families, they do not have to worry about having no living expenses after spending, so that they can afford to play and lose, and spend their money on personal investment. They may invest themselves to recharge, or they may be used for a variety of financial management, so it is easier to reach an annual salary of 100000 yuan. On the basis of an annual salary of 100000 yuan, the annual salary also increases at a rate of 30%. By the age of 30, the annual salary is close to 400000 yuan!

Readers, you may think that there is little difference in what you can do with an annual salary of 10, 000 yuan and 100000 yuan, only a difference of 90, 000 yuan, and you can't afford to buy a house, but there is a big difference between 40, 000 yuan and 400000 yuan: you can't afford a house for 40, 000 yuan, but it's much easier to buy a house for 400000 yuan. This is the Matthew effect in salary growth.

From here we can see that many people are really not on the same starting line, is this fate?

In fact, life is fixed, luck, but circulation.

However, the improvement of luck depends on one's own understanding and grasp.

When the wealth accumulation of other parents is ten or a hundred times that of their own family, admitting the existence of the gap can make a person realize his own skills, his own weaknesses, and what strengths are needed to achieve his or her specific goals in life.

In this way, compared with yourself, you won't drive yourself crazy.

Self-confidence is not a child with only 10 yuan in his pocket. He must say that he is richer than a child with 100 yuan in his pocket.

Self-confidence is that a child with only 10 yuan in his pocket will come out of his inferiority complex and strengthen his heart to fill his disadvantage. At the same time, you should also learn to use things other than money, such as wisdom and intelligence to earn the wealth you want.

A 20% discount on a reasonable target will not be so bad.

After graduating from college, Xiao Fen didn't find a good job, so she went to work in a women's clothing store.

She feels that she is different from other shop assistants. She believes that she is highly educated and thinks she will become a female writer every day.

Section 3: count what you have (3)

When selling clothes, Xiao Fen is often absent-minded.

Because the income of the shop assistant is related to the commission, Xiaofen ranked last in the performance ranking at the end of the month.

Extremely frustrated, Xiao Fen launched all the relationships to help her get in touch with her new job. For various reasons, she came to me and asked me to help her find a job.

At first, I wanted to help Xiaofen analyze the reasons for her low performance in the women's clothing store, but Xiaofen was not interested at all. She shook her head and said, "I don't care about performance. I work there. I just want to spend my spare time studying."... "

I asked her, "what is the purpose of learning?"

Xiaofen said: "become a writer like Han Han."

After listening to her, I knew that if I didn't help this girl open her heart, she would live in a dream all her life.

I said to her, "you've been in college for three years, and you have so much time to write and read. Have you become a writer?" moreover, Han Han's success has a lot of background. in the case of his family, he has a father who is an editor, and he has shown his writing ability since high school. "

Maybe my words were a little too straightforward. Xiaofen bowed her head. I think she listened to me attentively.

I then said to her, "it is not only learning that can change fate. You can still learn a lot here. If you set a goal for yourself and want to open your own brand women's clothing store to be the owner in five years' time, what will you learn today? first of all, you should know how to be a good waitress, otherwise how to manage a waitress in five years' time? learn to introduce the materials and features of clothing, but also learn to observe words and colors."

Sure enough, there was brilliance in Xiaofen's eyes.

In this way, Xiaofen began a down-to-earth life.

Later, an acquaintance asked me, "if you encourage Xiao Fen in this way, is it really possible for her to become a boss in five years?"

I said, "according to Xiaofen's background, there will be a lot of pressure in the future. Even though she has shown literary talent, the road in the literary world is not easy. This girl, who has always followed the rules, can hardly hold on until the day she becomes a writer.

"however, give her a reasonable goal: even if she cannot be the boss of a big brand after five years, she can still maintain a rich life with a 20% discount and open a small shop; even if she cannot open a small shop, she will make a good income as a manager of someone else's clothing store; if she cannot be a manager, she will also be an excellent clerk.

Section 4: count what you have (4)

"in any case, it's better than it is now. Moreover, Xiao Fen has a certain knowledge of Chinese, and her language skills are also good. If she can devote herself to her present work, there will be plenty of opportunities in the future."

In this contact with Xiaofen, there is one less girl dreaming, but one more mature girl who brings needs and value to society and others.

Only when we find a reasonable goal, can we give full play to our advantages. Today's Xiaofen, giving full play to her knowledge background and talking to many customers, has made the women's clothing store a good situation of "taking guests and recommending customers." He has also become the "boss" elected by his colleagues.

The disadvantage is used to change the local advantage.

Examine yourself and understand yourself in order to find the most suitable ecology for yourself.

The creatures in nature often imply the character of human society, such as the character of wolves, the gentleness of sheep and the shrewdness of insects.

In today's society, many people recognize that wolves have advantages, because only with wolves can they open up their borders and expand their territory and make continuous progress; others say that sheep also have advantages, and that they live in groups, bringing peace, prosperity and richness; others say that there is nothing wrong with worms, because the existence of worms reflects the diversity of the biological world.

The animal characteristics of nature are skillfully combined in human society to form a harmonious culture.

In a combination, wolf nature is very easy to split, and the sheep nature will go to extinction.

A combination of advantages requires not only a wolf nature style with a sense of innovation and competition, but also a sheep style with the ability to implement and work in a down-to-earth manner, and even a shrewd and smooth person who is good at dealing with the world.

Once upon a time, we said that the wolf was so outstanding that we could hardly find any weakness, so everyone tried to be a wolf, while the sheep were so weak and inferior that they could hardly be taken. There are others who despise bugs at all. In fact, this is not the case. Bugs also have the advantages of bugs.

The important thing is to see what is needed more in a small environment and a small ecology.

If you know yourself and put yourself in the right place, you can play to your advantage.

An aftertaste of a word

When you want to be someone else, you are far away from yourself. When you are far away from yourself, everyone will stay away from you.

Section 5: make excuses for aboveboard failure (1)

Make excuses just to fail fair and square

You want to make a decision, no one can stop you.

Xiao Li feels very unhappy at work.

The work often goes wrong and is always looked down upon by the leader.

She majored in tourism management and engaged in financial work.

The job is not easy to come by. It is arranged by parents through relationships.

Xiao Li often said: "Financial work is too boring. I don't like this job. I'd rather find a job I like and work as hard as others. In that case, I can give full play to my value." but I can't help it now. My parents have arranged it. "

I often hear such complaints from many people.

In fact, people who say such things are often secretly thought by me to be the most selfish children in the world.

They, seemingly worthy of sympathy, are actually strong and hard-working, and when they can't find an excuse for not succeeding, they put everything down to their parents.

No matter how capable parents are, they also hope that their children can fight for their own breath and break into the sky, so that they no longer have to worry about their children. Children who are unable to adapt to the environment often let them down and have to lend a helping hand.

Once upon a time, many young people asked me, "I have a girlfriend and my parents disagree. Should I listen to my family?"

Or someone said, "I graduated, and looking for a job is simply a process chosen by my parents for me!"

Whenever I hear these words, I will let them find their own problems first-when it comes to marriage, your parents interfere in your life because you don't know how you choose; when it comes to work, your parents help you choose because you can't. Of course, you can always blame the failure on others, but the one who really bears the failure is yourself.

You want to make a decision, no one can stop you!

When we attribute unsuccess to all objective factors, it means that we can choose to fail unscrupulously, and the excuses are endless. In this way, when we chat with our friends again, we can get comfort and sympathy with the excuses we have said a thousand times.

It's not because I can't, but because the rules of the game are bad

It's not because I can't, it's because I have more self-esteem than others.

It's not because I can't, it's because there are too many bad guys.

I have to say that truly successful people disdain to listen to these words.

Only the weak exchange excuses for laziness and unsuccess with the weak.

Section 6: make excuses for aboveboard failure (2)

If there is no "good start", start with "bad start"

How long do you need to prepare to do something?

When we were children, we learned the most.

From not being able to write or speak a word, to making a mistake or saying something wrong, and then to finally writing and saying it.

Because at that time, we were immature, we didn't have to worry about face, we didn't need to make excuses, we learned when we wanted to learn, corrected our mistakes, and then grew up.

Now we need to awaken this huge energy that we already have but have forgotten.

Don't always hesitate between An and B. the road is out, not chosen.

When you don't have a good start, start with a bad start.

Don't make too many excuses for yourself. when something is really done, you will find it not so difficult.

Once, I was invited to an interview, and as a frequent writer, I found that writing and speaking are not the same thing, just as a person can have a "one-to-many" chat with someone on QQ, but in real life, he is likely to turn red and shy when he meets someone he doesn't know.

I had to go to that interview at the invitation of a friend, and the whole process was very painful for me. I felt like I had a fever in front of my eyes and forehead, and the voice I spoke seemed not to be my own.

After a difficult time, the interview is over.

Unexpectedly, my friend was very excited and insisted that the interview effect was good.

This made me feel a little relieved, and when I looked back at my performance in this interview, I found that nervousness and unproficiency were obvious. To my delight, no matter how bad the state is, there is no problem with the sincerity of my conversation and the strength of my thinking.

This interview, which I thought was unsuccessful, opened a window for my life and made me have more experience. Since then, I have deliberately exercised my characteristic of not being nervous when speaking in many situations, and after many experiments, I have learned more about myself. It turns out that no matter how to practice, in the face of a lot of people, I will not be as natural and comfortable as when I write.

Since writing enriches my mind and makes me confident and comfortable, I don't have to let myself learn the skills of an orator. When I have to speak, if I am still nervous, allow myself to be nervous.

Section 7: make excuses for aboveboard failure (3)

When I accepted my nervousness, I found that no matter how many people spoke, I was not as nervous as I used to be.

Trial and error is a double-edged sword.

If you are afraid of doing something wrong, there will be countless excuses.

Excuses often point not to the fear of making mistakes, but to the failure of certain objective conditions to do so.

In the early days of doing things, trial and error is very important. If one wants to never make mistakes, it is best to never do anything. Just like a small tree, even if it does not grow into a towering tree, it will become an empty shell if it does not grow. If people don't grow up, they will become useless.

Not afraid of making mistakes, people can gain experience from the process of making mistakes and correcting them. Experience is the source of wealth.

Why is trial and error a double-edged sword?

When something is done more than twice, the meaning of trial and error begins to diminish.

If you do the same thing in the same situation, the end result will be a repetition of the last event.

So this requires people to have the ability to sum up.

If you don't want to ask others what to do about everything, and you don't want to stumble along the wrong road, you must have the ability to sum up.

Just like a girl, she dated three boyfriends of the same type in a row and broke up. At this time, she should make a quick move to find out the pen and paper to write down the process of the relationship and carefully sum up the reasons:

Why would you choose the same type of person? Is there a gap in one's own psychology? Which part of the relationship makes the other party the most uncomfortable? Since when does the other person start to be indifferent to himself?

Take out your pen and paper and analyze them scientifically so that you can avoid making the same mistake next time and see yourself clearly.

If you do not learn, analyze, judge and summarize, then no matter how many boyfriends you have, the result will be in vain. Only mistakes, no growth, mistakes will be made in vain.

On the contrary, if you make a scientific analysis of behavior, you can find the following key points: at what stage of the relationship, the boyfriend begins to alienate himself? When you do something or say something, your boyfriend reacts impatiently? Where is the boyfriend dissatisfied with himself?

After doing the analysis, she does not need any fairy to give directions. If she wants the next step to go smoothly, she will have her own plan.

Admitting and correcting your mistakes makes you more noble.

When many people make mistakes, they will make excuses for themselves, often because of his "good face".

Section 8: make excuses for aboveboard failure (4)

In fact, how important is one's face? The more successful people are, the more they care about face and respect the facts.

Soros is no stranger to people. People always call Soros a financial predator. What does he think of being wrong?

In Soros's view, people's understanding is inherently imperfect, and the knowledge acquired is not enough to guide their actions. This is "fallibility", which requires people to make mistakes, admit and correct them constantly.

In the case of investment, mistakes are stumbling blocks, but they are also the source of success.

"I have the courage to admit my mistakes," he once said in an interview. when I feel that I have made a mistake and correct it immediately, it is very helpful to my career. My success comes not from guessing right, but from admitting my mistake. "

Are we like this?

In the process of doing work and interacting with others, it is not difficult to judge whether or not to be wrong, but we artificially complicate a thing and find objective reasons or excuses to save face. it will only let the people around us find our own limitations and narrowness, will make the mistake of their own more humiliating, and cut off the possibility of being right next time.

No matter how experienced you are, you may make mistakes in judging and dealing with a thing, because there are always some variables in life that you can't see, but people are always used to filtering the information they get from their own standpoint. They tend to be more inclined to the information they want to support their views.

Soros never makes excuses. "the advantage of admitting mistakes is that it stimulates and enhances criticism, allowing you to further re-examine your decisions and then correct them," he said. I am proud to admit my mistakes, and even the root of my pride comes from admitting them. "

Sometimes, let go of face, you will really have face.

I still remember my friend told me that there was a doctor in his company, and his friend was looking forward to working with this doctor, because he felt the doctor's good speech at the job fair. But to my friend's frustration, the doctor didn't get along well with everyone after he came to the company.

The doctor always puts on an air of arrogance, which makes other colleagues unwilling to help her. Once, when an important client was coming, a friend asked the doctor to arrange for lunch. The doctor promised and disappeared. After a long time, the doctor came back out of breath. It turned out that the doctor himself went to the hotel to book a private room.

The friend couldn't help saying, "if you encounter this kind of situation in the future, you can make a reservation by calling a hotel from a colleague."

But the doctor was very dissatisfied. She said, "Why do you bother others with what you can do? I always solve problems on my own."

The last sentence made my friend give up this "talent" completely.

An aftertaste of a word

When we have nothing to show off, we show off how unlucky we are.

Section 9: throwing away the deficiency is not suicide but self-help (1)

Throwing away the deficiency is not suicide, it's self-help.

Giant pandas can't satisfy everyone.

The bucket that holds water is made up of many boards, and the amount of water is determined by these boards. If one of the boards is very short, the amount of water in the bucket is limited by the short board. This short board has become a "limiting factor" for the amount of water held in this barrel, which is called the "short board effect".

People all know that if you want to increase the water content of this bucket, you can only replace the short board or lengthen the short board.

The short board effect is often misused by people. Many people think that the shortcomings in their character must be made up in order to have better connections. For example, introverts always want to make up for the introverted board, while extroverts are eager to be introverted.

This is a misunderstanding. If you think character is a weakness, then throw it away. There is no need to dwell on such a painful change. For work, if you are extroverted and active, and unfortunately you are engaged in a job that only faces files every day, then the only change you may have to do is to change your job rather than desperately trying to change your personality.

It takes you decades to build your character, and it's not easy to change it overnight.

No character is perfect, and no person with any character is doomed to run a bad network, but it just needs different methods. The reason is very simple, each kind of person, has suits own crowd.

Harmonious relationships sometimes don't work well with everyone. It is precisely the discord with some people that shows your maturity. You will understand that there are some people who appear in your inner circle and you can trust them; others are a little farther away and you are willing to get in touch with them and work with them, but you do not intend to treat them as friends; and more importantly, there are some people who are not destined to be your friends. Without a sense of hierarchy and judgment, you can't design your network.

Section 10: throwing away the deficiency is not suicide but self-help (2)

As Bai Yansong once said, "I didn't want to make the whole Chinese people like me like the giant panda. I never thought about it." Of course, because he insists on being himself, he really makes people feel closer.

Interestingly, giant pandas can't satisfy everyone either. I have come into contact with a kind of friends who do not like the giant panda because they feel it is "fat".

Moreover, you and I are both people who want to survive and develop in the limited resources. To make others like us is not our goal in life. Many things, do not be afraid of others unhappy, when you insist on your own character, others will adapt to your change and change.

If you play someone else, no matter how good your acting skills are, you will screw up.

I have a friend who is so hot that even if something bad happens to him in the company, he still yells no matter how many people are around him. According to reason, everyone will stay away from such a person.

In fact, on the contrary, he has a good relationship with all his colleagues. If most people swear, they will attract attacks from each other, but they don't care about me as a friend. The most common saying is: "this person is so grumpy, he's used to it anyway."

Here we will see that the character of friends makes others learn to change.

Of course, dignity comes from strength, not from acting. A friend is unambiguous in business. when he does something, he can fully show his meticulous thinking and skill. It is not too much to use the word "water duck" to describe him: the water duck always holds its head high and looks proud in the water, which is like the true character of a friend: do not pretend. However, will the development of water ducks stop as a result? In fact, no, the water duck's feet are paddling desperately under the water, which is the way friends do things. Is to look up and work with your head down.

On the contrary, some people who play other people will screw up the play, obviously very proud, but also very modest, over time, people will certainly give him two words-"hypocrisy".

It is important for people to be true when they come into contact with others. Do not transform others, nor be easily reformed by others. Relatively speaking, the difficulty of blindly changing oneself to cater to others is unpredictable. Because different people have different needs, the more they change, the more tired they become, and the more they change, the more angry they become, which will only make themselves impetuous and unpopular.

In the case of not losing your big style, stick to yourself a little more, and people will accept your character.